Why Having a Lodged Kidney Stone is Like Being Very Pregnant

  • someecaards kidney stone redactedYou are so tired of carrying this thing around—the bloating, the pain, the nausea, the endless doctors’ appointments. You just want it out of you already!
  • It kicks at odd times with a ferocity that doubles you over and makes you wonder if everything is okay.
  • You can’t bend over very far because your stowaway will object.
  • You have to pee all the time, including at night.
  • Everyone is tired of hearing about it and how miserable you are.
  • You can’t go on any trips because the darn thing might suddenly decide today’s the day!
  • You’re sometimes (with increasing frequency) grumpy and unreasonable.
  • You don’t feel well enough to be very productive, but you’ve still gotta get stuff done, anyway.
  • Friends and family keep calling you up to ask, “Just how much longer are you going to wait?”
  • You’re pretty sure that if it doesn’t come out soon, the doctor is going to want to go in after it.
  • Your friends keep telling you horror stories you really don’t want to hear about what can go wrong.
  • People keep giving you well-intentioned, but entirely unhelpful, advice.  “Drink a bunch of olive oil and it’ll slip right out!”
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Steering a Course in Marriage

Several years ago, I left big-town suburbia and moved to a tiny town in the middle of nowhere.  It was a huge lifestyle change.  Even though I lived in a town, my life felt very rustic.  So my mom bought me a subscription to Country Living.  I was excited about that at first because I thought I would learn about how to live “in the country.”  But I was disappointed to discover that it’s actually a decorating magazine aimed at people who want to look like they live in a farmhouse while actually living safe and secure in a city.

Then I met the man who would become my husband.  He had spent much of his youth actually living out in the country, in Kansas, no less.  He knows how to do things like hunt rabbits and butcher chickens.  I don’t want any of that going on around me (I’m not THAT much a country girl wannabe), but I’m so impressed that if we NEEDED to ever “live off the land,” my husband would know how to do it. Continue reading

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The Horror of Circumcision

My stepdaughter had her newborn son circumcised today. I knew if she had a boy that she intended to have that done, but I had hoped once her baby was born, she would look in his sweet, trusting eyes and vow she could never hurt him.

But today on Facebook, she posted a video of her husband holding the baby in the doctor’s waiting room.  I knew they had a doctor’s appointment today, but I thought it was just a routine well-baby visit.  Then her husband laughed and made a scissor motion above his son’s crotch and said, “Can you say ‘snip, snip’?  ‘Snip, snip’?”   Continue reading

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The Dilemma of the Step-Grandma

My husband’s daughter has just had a baby. Yay, woo-hoo, congratulations.  No, really, I’m very happy for them.  But can I be excused from being too deliriously enthusiastic about it?  And is it okay if I don’t really consider myself a grandma yet?

The birth of a baby is always a happy and joyous occasion, and this is as well, but there are a few considerations here.   Continue reading

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Is Trailblazing Overrated?

Some people lead.  Some people follow.  I do neither.

I go out and quietly do unusual things that other people eventually start doing.  But they don’t do those things because I blazed a trail.  Someone else eventually gets the same idea I had, and they blaze the trail for others to follow.  And in the ensuing stampede, typically, I get left behind.   Continue reading

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School Administration Power Trips

My 15-year-old son called me on his cell phone from school yesterday because he didn’t feel well and wanted to come home. He had left the classroom on a bathroom pass to do this and then returned to class.  I called the office to see if I’d need to come in to sign him out.

The woman in the office was clearly offended.  “How do you know he wants to come home?” Continue reading

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The Quickest Way to Peel an Avocado

http://www.flickr.com/photos/veganfeast/4487066624/Last night we were going to have chicken fajita salad (basically everything you’d have in a fajita, but without a tortilla, since we’re low-carbing), so I picked up all the fresh veggies on the way home from picking up the kids.  I set one of the sacks on the floor, and, having forgotten about it, later stumbled over it.  As I stepped on it, I felt the most sickening popping sensation under my foot. Accompanying it was an equally sickening “Phhthck” sound.   Continue reading

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